A great idea for a book that I will never write

After receiving Mom's hilarious comb-over alert from America's favorite soul-killing consumer icon, I became inspired. Picture this: a political comedy about a grassroots organization fighting for equal rights. I can't decide what sort of comedy to go for. Jon Stewart? Christopher Guest and the mockumentary? Something like Christopher Buckley's Thank You for Smoking? Some sort of a combination of the above?

the setting: an urban or semi-urban area, perhaps in the midwest

the characters: a club or support group for people who sport mullets. They come from all social levels - professional, trailer trash, rock bands, geeks - and include both genders and various ethnicities and religious affiliations. They call themselves the Mulleteers.

the conflict: discrimination

This group of mulleted individuals originally get together to admire each other's bold and cutting edge hairdos and to gain encouragement for personal expression. They gradually discover that the way they choose to style their hair has become an object of discrimination in the workplace. Some have been denied employment because of the mullet; others have never earned promotions, while Stupid Stylish Suzy did (of course, she was also sleeping with the boss, but that's another story).

The more they talk and exchange stories, the more outraged they become. And a grass-roots organization is formed. Mullets of the World unite! They slowly gain more support, not just from fellow Mulleteers, but from other parts of non-mainstream hair culture. Their cause is contagious, and still others join the fight, including, but not limited to: individuals with body art, models of jeans-so-baggy-that-their-butts-show, rabid collectors of celebrity toenail clippings, interpretive dancers, people who pick their noses in public, people who eat their boogers in public, babies with boogers, and Brothers for Bjork.

As they gain more followers, the Mulleteers consider campaigning for rights, and because their base is so large, they start pestering their senators and representatives for legal representation. From now on, it will not be acceptable for equal rights to be denied based on race, color, ethnicity, national origin, religious creed, sex, disability, or bad hair, er, personal expression.

Can they make it? Can the Mulleteers conquer Congress? And the world?

What's red and white and dark all over?

Long time no post. Can't really say I have a lot of news; just been reading a lot for my comp. exam. I went over to Daytona and Jacksonville last week to see some Elon buddies. I managed to spend two days conversing pretty much about NASCAR in Daytona and passed a delightful afternoon shopping in Jax. I even came out with a new shirt and some books I read as a kid that I had forgotten how much I loved. Thanks for the tip, Baabs.

I guess the only thing of note that's happened since I've been back to town was waking up yesterday and pretty much not being able to open my eyes. I was having a pretty bad allergic reaction to something, though I don't know what since I've never had an allergy in my life. I've lived in Florida for two years and never had a sniffle during spring. I'm pretty sure I was bitten by something, considering there are lots of spiders around my apartment. Though the swelling is all down, thanks to the pregnazone juice, my skin is still red and my eyelids are irritated. Blah.

Kaspar got a bath today. She loves me.

After reading The DaVinci Code yesterday, I went to see the movie today. Of course, there's a much richer historical and artsy aspect of the book that just can't happen in the movie, but I wasn't too terribly thrilled with Dan Brown's use of expository dialogue to schlog through that important info in the novel. The movie did a better job with Fache's character, I think, and made the connections with Opus Dei a little bit more clear. Only big question about the movie - what on earth is going on with Tom Hanks's hair?!

PS: I'll be headed yon Jackson way on June 4. Anyone going to be around? Anyone, anyone?

Eavesdropping

Let me recount to you the joys of reading when the following is going on outside one's door.

The scene
A short, 5 foot nothing, 60-something-year-old woman. Short black hair, probably mussed. No make up because it's the weekend. Grey shorts and tank top. Red boot-like slippers. A fat, smelly, obnoxious, arthritic, allergic-to-everything dog that used to resemble a black lab is at her feet, but gets up to bark at every mosquito that flies by - and every other thing that crosses her path.

She's sitting in cheap green plastic patio furniture from Wal-mart, having her afternoon smoke. The cigarette smoke slowly curls off the fag, but she doesn't puff too much on it. However, when she yells at the dog or anyone going to check the mail or do a load of laundry, the smoke comes out of her mouth in small, opaque nebulae as she chokes over her own words, trying to shout a friendly word at the passers by.

The conversation
Landlady: Hiyeeee. *cough cough gag*

Passer-by: *mumble*

L: How you *cough* do-iiing?

P: Fine. You?

L: *cough hack cough* I've got a creak in myeee neck. Have you ever got a creak in your neck?

P: *mumble*

L: I don't know what to *hack* do about it. *cough cough* I'm at the *hack* doctor all the time ...

And the conversation continues for 10 more minutes while the passer-by is held hostage on the way to the laundry room.

This is why we heart Alton Brown